Tag Archives: positive vibes

And the Culture of Toxic Positivity

I am a positive person.

I don’t enjoy being around people who complain all the time. I don’t enjoy being around people who always have something negative or damaging to say. It’s just not a good feeling for me. I don’t like it.

But there is a point where even positivity can become toxic and damaging.

It’s in the moments where you are complaining about something that is actually a real issue, something valid to complain about, something other than those things you can’t change and which don’t really affect you anyway–those moments when you’ve been sick for days and you need to be upset about it or when an error at the bank causes your account to be overdrawn, real, legitimate reasons to be unhappy–and someone comes along and chirps at you, “Cheer up, you have it so much better than others.”

When, as a positive person, you get an off vibe from another positive person.

A friend asked the Facebook vox populi what they value most about her. My gut reaction to her question was “realistically positive.”

Like, she’s a super positive, loving, caring, warm human but she is not like that all the time. She has moments where she hates everything. She gets sad. She gets angry. And I think the key is she doesn’t apologize for feeling feelings. If she’s angry, she takes a beat to figure out the best way to express her anger in order to accomplish something.

So many people choose chaos when they are angry. My friend chooses diplomacy and order. She’s angry, sure, and she’ll let you know but there’s no screaming, no profanity. Just well chosen words that let everyone know what’s on her mind.

And then she turns her sunbeam back on.

It is the thing I value most in our friendship because it aligns with my state of being.

I can’t handle people who are just perpetually sugar coated. You need to find a balance, my dude.


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